olympictim05

12:20 am: To let it out again
            It has been sometime again since I have poured my thoughts onto this blank journal. I have changed so much, some for the better and some for the worst. Looking back at these older entries I see my love life jump up and down left and right. I guess I figured the chaos would never end. Tonight I am here to talk about my past, present, and future. The only real way to get out what I feel about myself, and the one I love is to say it here. 
  

        In the past I have made many mistakes that I am not proud of. I have been through things I would never want to go through again, seen love in many ugly forms. I would rather be alone before ever experiencing those again. One of my major mistakes that i really wanna get out of the way before it makes me lose everything in the world that I could ask for, is not trusting the one person who has fought, and worked so hard to make me trust in him, and believe I could be a better person. Joshua, I can only say that I am sorry for the way I have acted. We have both not been perfect, but at the same time I truly believe that I have been way out of line. I am not taking all the blame, because I believe that if a relationship isn't working, its because both parties are equal in whatever is causing the problem. Tonight I wanna clear my slate, and take my blame with and open mind and heart. I love you Joshua, you mean the world to me. Aggravating, or hurting you is something I never wanted to do. I told and promised you that i wanted you to be happy, and that is still the only thing I ever want. I have been placing the blame from past events that had absolutely nothing to do with you. You have said to me time after time the truth about numerous subjects, and not once did I really breath it in. You have against your wishes held my hand through some of the most frustrating times in these past 7 months. I have made it so hard for you to even have a chance to prove to me that you are completely capable of not breaking my heart. Most of all, I never walked into this relationship giving you the benefit of the doubt, "trust starts off neutral"  thats what you taught me. I believe its true, I started off on the wrong side of that belief. For all these things I owe you and apology, and a thank you, for both your time and patience.

        With that being said, both change, and difference are scary pieces of life, but they are 2 of the most important cornerstones of any relationship. Without them you cannot make a new future, and without them you cannot learn to love in a new way that doesn't hurt. I know right now in your mind there is plenty of doubt. I accept this with an open mind, and heart because I have promised you so many times that it will get better, and it has not improved any. I understand, and I am sorry that it has taken this much for me to open my eyes. I wanna say I will try, but trying is something I should have been doing these past 6 months before. Its time to just do, let go of myself, and my past to move forward to make things better for us, but more importantly myself. I wanna take this time in my moment of realization to do something I would have never done, and even though they cannot hear me now, it will give me the piece of mind I need to settle the wounds in my past. Paul, Aaron, Joey, and Ricky. Out of the relationships I have had you are the ones who took and broke the biggest pieces of my heart. I just wanna say that I forgive you for what you have done to me, and that its time to let go, and let someone else fix the damage you have caused. My love invested in each of you was not done in vein. I took with me a stronger more aware sense of love, and pride in myself. Unfortunately I have allowed those pieces to build an impossible set of walls. I thought I would be safe if I made someone work extra hard to break through them, when really the one who needed to knock them down was me. "Trust in earned not given" I was also taught that as well by you Josh. The truth is, you have done many wonderful things to earn my trust, and its is well deserved. I was selfishly protecting myself, not allowing you in because I assumed that you didn't know how to handle true love. I was just looking from the wrong angle, your love is different and not easily recognized like the love I had come to know before. I didn't know if it was a front or if it was the real deal. When you came over tonight I looked into your eyes and saw something that I have never wanted to see, your heart being torn apart. I never want to see that again.

       Getting this all out is my realization, my change, and my step towards the future that will better me. Letting go and working to understand new ways of love, and working in the old ones slowly in time so that I may still have that sense of love that I once knew before. It will take time and plenty of patience, but i know in my heart that is the goal that both of us want to reach. I am ready to start this new journey, and I am happy that I have the piece of mind to finally walk down this new path. With you by my side, i believe that anything want to achieve will be possible. I close this out leaving the old thoughts and fears on this page for anyone who reads it. Death to bad love, and to mistrust of the broken heart.



                                                                                                                                                                                            Love Always
                                                                                                                                                                                                   ~Tim Smith~ 

Tags: change, happines, josh, new love

12:09 pm: Welcome me back with open arms...
Here we go again... 1 year since I have updated this journal. Allot has happened and so little has changed... Since the last time I had updated things were going great and up to this point they still are. Yet there were many times between then and now that were not so pleasant.

In the spring of 2005 just a month or so after I had had updated. After i had met and dated Thomas ( as seen in the previous journal that year) Things didn't work out. He and I were not meant to be at all. We new that shortly after we had started. So I had a breakdown... I would say no more than two weeks later a new chapter of my life opened with a new and different event.

His name was Paul Maldonado. He was older than me which was a first. I had never met anyone like him. We clicked that night and everything was wonderful. We spent the next few days together, he had gotten sick so I stayed with him until I had to work again. After that days turned into weeks and weeks to months. after about two months or so maybe three at the most. The words I Love you had been exchanged by both he and I. Promise made and said never to be broken and a life was starting to form for the two of us. He said he would always be there, and I would always trust in him no matter what...

long before I knew it the relationship had grown shady. He had become arrogant in his change, and i was filled with doubt. we were constantly fighting over stupid things. My trust was fading and his promises seemed as if they were millions of miles away. I held on anyway seeing in things would get better, and at a point they started to. That was when he decided to leave, and in the worst possible way... he had cheated on me with a guy named Scott. Who I would soon see myself becoming friends with soon after only by accident. he told me what had happened and from there i finally new and could let it go. The relationship between Paul and I had taken five months of my life to experience. It was a lesson that I to go through to learn what to look for and what to trust...

At the same time during all of this my mother had to become very ill. She was suffering greatly between the school, work, and my relationship I tried to see here as much as possible. I had left my aunts house and had moved back home with her. If i new now how long she had left i would have said all the things i should have to her. I know that no matter what i never had to say a word, and that every thought I have of her she can see and hear. She passed away on the seventh of May two thousand five. I was left without the hope of ever coming back to myself. After she had passed I fell apart and could not bare to try and live on. That was another reason why Paul and I we not doing so well, I had let myself go so I didn't care about anyone or anything.

My quest for the security to continue had brought me to many different feelings and places. I had not tried to meet anyone new for some time and continued to work as hard as I could. I reached my first full year at Disney and was going strong with that. New people moved in and out of my life, I couldn't really make any solid connections and the one I had were also falling to pieces. So what did I do? give up? no... I am Tim Smith and I will never stop and never give up... So I found distraction got back in to my social life and soon would see that life once again was becoming better. I had gained the confidence I needed, had accepted that my mother was gone yet always near and never lost hope in seeing her again, and finally started meeting new people new hoping for something that I may one day build my life on.

Which now brings me to today. Valentines Day they day that I thought I would have not a single person to care for or show appreciation for. Then I got the chance to meet someone who at the moment is still just a friend but none the less someone I am so going to get to know. His name is Justin and he is the same age as I am. He is nice and seems to be as crazy as I am so it is definitely worth seeing where it can go. This allows me to know that my mother did not want me to spend the day that I have so much faith invested in alone. So I thank her once again for showing me that she is still here and i thank Justin for the chance to start a new friendship and giving me hope of what tomorrow can bring.

Well about sums up the major events since that last post hope you like it. As always take care and I will be again...

01:42 am: OMG update of a life time!
Well everyone it has been some time indeed since I have written in here so this is going to a good sized one due to the fact there is alot to explain so you can catch up.Now how do I start this...


Ok i was online surfin and looking for friends to talk to online. I never felt I had enough gay friends in the first place so I wanted more. (me never satisfied)So I felt that best place to look would be Xy.com. So I went on a looked at a few Profiles. Well! one particular profile caught my eye, Picture and all. The guys name was Thomas he had a really nice profile and his picture was really cute as well I figured why not and copied his screen name for my list. Unfortunately at the time he was not on, so I figured I would try later.

I signed on again that night to check my mail and guess who was on. I Imed him immediately we talked for a bit but not long his comp kept messing up. So we talked again once more the next day for five seconds or so and then there was really no contact further on...(sounds like it couldn't get any better right)

Until one morning my cell reported a missed call to me with a message attached. It was Thomas he had called me to see how I was doing( he sounded really cute LOL) So I waiting till the time he said to call and called him up we talked for a bit it was a good conversation. Later the next day my friend D.J called me and told me that her and Heather were off of work and wanted to get together and go to Disney. I said sure why not and was going to leave it at that... But then I had an idea. I called up Thomas to see what he was doing on Wednesday you know to see if he wanted to go too. He said yes...(mind you this was our first time meeting as well)

The day at Disney was awesome we had so much fun everyone got along great he was really awsome just himself and didn't hold back Proved to be a one-of-a-kind guy. The day ended with a simple goodbye(which was so totally awesome no worries about a hook-up)

a day or so after he and I decided to get together and hang out. We continued to see each other everyday after I got off of work and spent alot of time together... Which brings you to now Thomas and I are happily together he asked me out the day after his birthday (the same day we shared our first kiss) !!!! that was Absolutely to Die for!!!!
and so far the rest is history as the days go bye we grow closer we are also planning to get a place together we are trying to work hard toward's that goal. We are both 19 year old students Thomas is a full time Computer Science Major and I am a part time theater major. he works for the Convention Center (he just got the job Congrats babe) and pretty much cares for himself (and me hehehe) lol

so now you are caught up to how things are going in my life...I would say wonderful but...the word doesn't even come close to stating how I feel. So with that said I am signing off leave me a comment or two on this one catch ya later byes.

11:14 pm: 1st Entree of the new year!
OMG everone you have got to read this I am so like wow!
Gucf1802 [10:19 PM]: lol yea sorry talkin to my roomie, he just got home
Olympictim05 [10:19 PM]: lol it's ok
Gucf1802 [10:19 PM]: clearing up drama from last night
Gucf1802 [10:19 PM]: i'll be back in a bit if you'll still be on
Olympictim05 [10:19 PM]: I prolly wont be
Olympictim05 [10:19 PM]: work tomorrow early
Gucf1802 is away at 10:19 PM
Auto response from Gucf1802 [10:19 PM]: I am away from my computer right now.
Olympictim05 [10:20 PM]: ttyl kk
Auto response from Gucf1802 [10:20 PM]: I am away from my computer right now.
Gucf1802 returned at 10:31 PM
Gucf1802 [10:31 PM]: hey i'm back if u still wanna chat ;-)
Olympictim05 [10:31 PM]: lol sure
Olympictim05 [10:31 PM]: my stuff isn't done yet so i am still here
Gucf1802 [10:32 PM]: hehe cool
Gucf1802 [10:33 PM]: so what was the last thing you said to me, i didn't have a chance to read it due to roomie lol
Olympictim05 [10:33 PM]: lol it was nothing really important lol
Gucf1802 [10:33 PM]: ohh ok lol
Olympictim05 [10:33 PM]: yeah
Gucf1802 [10:33 PM]: so do u have a pic
Olympictim05 [10:33 PM]: it's in my aol profile
Gucf1802 [10:34 PM]: mmm kk...gotta log into aol hehe
Olympictim05 [10:34 PM]: lol or i could send it lol
ATTENTION [10:34 PM]: Instant Images session started.
Gucf1802 [10:34 PM]: whatever is easiest for you
Olympictim05 [10:34 PM]: lol I am sending you my good boy picture
Olympictim05 [10:34 PM]: lol
Gucf1802 [10:34 PM]: ohhh hehehe
Olympictim05 [10:35 PM]: Instant Images
Gucf1802 [10:35 PM]: oh wow, you're quite the cutie
Gucf1802 [10:35 PM]: let me send you a few newers ones of me, i think the aol pic i have is rather outdated
Olympictim05 [10:35 PM]: lol
Olympictim05 [10:35 PM]: kk
Gucf1802 [10:36 PM]: Instant Images
Gucf1802 [10:36 PM]: Instant Images
Olympictim05 [10:36 PM]: lol your still a hottie
Olympictim05 [10:36 PM]: lol
Gucf1802 [10:37 PM]: Instant Images
Olympictim05 [10:37 PM]: hehehe
Olympictim05 [10:37 PM]: HOTT!
Gucf1802 [10:38 PM]: hehe thanks man
Olympictim05 [10:39 PM]: so tell me about yourself
Gucf1802 [10:40 PM]: hmmm
Gucf1802 [10:40 PM]: well what would you like to know...i'm full of interesting tidbits of information
Olympictim05 [10:42 PM]: well what kind of things you like, what you do for fun, are you single lol you know things like that
Gucf1802 [10:42 PM]: hmmm
Gucf1802 [10:42 PM]: well definately single...that's a simple answer
Gucf1802 [10:42 PM]: for fun...
Olympictim05 [10:43 PM]: I don't see why you are single
Gucf1802 [10:43 PM]: haha neither do i, but it just works out that way i suppose
Gucf1802 [10:43 PM]: i keep my standards pretty damn high and i refuse to settle
Gucf1802 [10:43 PM]: well i enjoy running, karate, and the beach, working out for atheltic stuff
Gucf1802 [10:43 PM]: i also love hanging out with friends, watching movies, listening to all kinds of music etc
Gucf1802 [10:44 PM]: i do enjoy a spontaneous change of pace every now and hten
Olympictim05 [10:44 PM]: always fun
Gucf1802 [10:44 PM]: what about you
Olympictim05 [10:46 PM]: well i love to act so ofcourse I love my job I have fun modeling on the side, I like to hangout with friends, be online, travel, take nice long slow walks on the beach, Go to where I work ALOT! and play (that would be dinsey
Olympictim05 [10:46 PM]: lol
Olympictim05 [10:46 PM]: that sums it up I think
Gucf1802 [10:47 PM]: NICE
Gucf1802 [10:47 PM]: i'm a hopeless romatic at heart, so long walks on the beach = big plus
Olympictim05 [10:47 PM]: me too I love being beside someone in there arms laying in the garss and looking at the stars
Olympictim05 [10:47 PM]: or a nice romantic kiss in the rain
Olympictim05 [10:48 PM]: that is my all time thing right there a kiss in the rain :::sigh:::
Olympictim05 [10:48 PM]: lol
Gucf1802 [10:49 PM]: ohhh NICE
Gucf1802 [10:49 PM]: very nice indeed
Olympictim05 [10:50 PM]: i try
Olympictim05 [10:50 PM]: so you are a hopless romantic what star sign
Gucf1802 [10:51 PM]: scorpio
Gucf1802 [10:51 PM]: and i fit 95% of the typical scorpio role too
Olympictim05 [10:51 PM]: thats is awsome I am a picese
Gucf1802 [10:51 PM]: which is scorpio's most compatible sign
Olympictim05 [10:52 PM]: I know
Olympictim05 [10:52 PM]: which is why this convo is going so well
Olympictim05 [10:52 PM]: lol
Gucf1802 [10:52 PM]: hehe
Gucf1802 [10:52 PM]: no arguement there
Gucf1802 [10:52 PM]: my roomate is a pices too
Olympictim05 [10:52 PM]: thats makes for a wonderful living enviornment must be nice
Olympictim05 [10:53 PM]: or should i say in most cases there are thoses few minor set backs
Olympictim05 [10:53 PM]: lol
Gucf1802 [10:53 PM]: well he just moved in a few days ago, is a great firend of mine
Olympictim05 [10:54 PM]: thats is wonderful i am glad things are going well
Olympictim05 [10:54 PM]: you know I am accually planing on moving over to the east side as well
Olympictim05 [10:54 PM]: my friend Kristen and I wanna get a place
Gucf1802 [10:54 PM]: oh very cool
Olympictim05 [10:55 PM]: yeah
Olympictim05 [10:55 PM]: lol i am looking at your apollo party pic you look awsome in a suit
Gucf1802 [10:56 PM]: hehe thanks
Olympictim05 [10:56 PM]: I wish i had more pictures to show you but my model shots have not been saved to this computer
Olympictim05 [10:57 PM]: I only have one other and that one well.... we wont go there lol
Gucf1802 [10:57 PM]: its ok
Gucf1802 [10:57 PM]: you can get them to me when you can
Olympictim05 [10:58 PM]: kool
Olympictim05 [10:58 PM]: well I really hate to do this but I have to get some rest it is my last day of work tomorrow and then I have the next three days off so i gotta get some rest i have to be there early
Gucf1802 [10:59 PM]: its ok, i totally understand
Gucf1802 [10:59 PM]: hey, in the future im me at gprunnerman
Gucf1802 [10:59 PM]: i'm not on this name much anymore
Olympictim05 [10:59 PM]: so if you want and if it is not to forward of me you can call me if you would like
Olympictim05 [10:59 PM]: ok
Gucf1802 [11:00 PM]: i can't really tonight, got too much else going on right now, but definately in the future
Gucf1802 [11:00 PM]: i'm Greg btw
Olympictim05 [11:00 PM]: lol silly
Olympictim05 [11:00 PM]: I ment tomorrow
Olympictim05 [11:00 PM]: lol
Olympictim05 [11:01 PM]: lol here is the number when your ready or you have time to you will have it
Olympictim05 [11:01 PM]: (407)-756-4778
Gucf1802 [11:01 PM]: ohhh ok
Olympictim05 [11:02 PM]: lol
Olympictim05 [11:03 PM]: if you wish to then my work schedule tomorrow is 9:00-7:30 call me anytime feel free if I don't answer leave a message and I will call you back asap k
Gucf1802 [11:04 PM]: okees
Gucf1802 [11:04 PM]: what's your name
Olympictim05 [11:04 PM]: lol it is Tim
Olympictim05 [11:04 PM]: it was very much a pleasure to meet you
Gucf1802 [11:04 PM]: likewise, i will call tomorrow
Gucf1802 [11:04 PM]: and if for some reason i don't, call my lazy ass
Gucf1802 [11:05 PM]: 321-243-2844
Olympictim05 [11:05 PM]: lol will do but I wont call you a lazy ass lol if it is ok i will just call you greg
Olympictim05 [11:05 PM]: lol
Gucf1802 [11:06 PM]: lmao works for me
Olympictim05 [11:06 PM]: ok
Olympictim05 [11:07 PM]: you sleep well and i will talk to you tomorrow at some point
Olympictim05 [11:07 PM]: thank you for talking to me
Gucf1802 [11:07 PM]: okees
Gucf1802 [11:07 PM]: anytime man, thank you for talking to me
Gucf1802 [11:07 PM]: very refreshing to have an intelligent convo online
Olympictim05 [11:08 PM]: lol and we will have many more online and off in the near future
Olympictim05 [11:08 PM]: catch ya later
Gucf1802 [11:08 PM]: kk
Gucf1802 [11:08 PM]: sleep well
ATTENTION [11:08 PM]: Instant Images session ended.

11:03 am: HMMMM.....
To all of thoese who make aassumptions on who each thing I write is about. Know that sometimes it's not all about you...

Here's another song for the Journal how I feel today and what is going through my head...



There goes my old boyfriend
There's another diamond ring
And a all those late night promises
I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby, what's the story
Did you find another man
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made
When you don't look back I guess
The feelings start to fade away
I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street
Like you didn't miss a beat, yeah

(Corus)
Tell me What It Takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep
In the night, withouth thinkin' you lost
Everything that was good in your life
To the toss of a dice
Tell me What It Takes to let you go

Yeah,

Boy, before I met you, I was F.I.N.E - fine
But your love made me a prisoner
yeah, my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money
Then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
'Cause you had me in deep
With the devil in your eyes

(Chorus)

Guitar!

Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dying
When you're cryin' for me

(Repeat Chorus)

Tell me who's to blame for thinkin' twice
'Cause i don't wanna burn in Paradise
Oh, let it go, let it go...

I don't wanna burn....

12:09 pm: This one is your you....(you know who you are)
You are in and out of my mind every day. Driving me insane with pain and anguish. Why? because I want to hear you say it again. I want the words I love you too to fall from your frail lips. To call my name to tell me it's ok. I miss you. I want to hear your voice in a light soft tone telling me you are still here... are you still there? Will you still be? Do you miss me? Do you even care anymore? I want you to I want you to tell me what it is that drives you from me. Tell me please I am Finally getting up the strength and courage to confront you for what I need and that need that want is you...

Ninety miles outside Chicago
can't stop driving
I don't know why
so many questions
need an answer
two years later
you're still on my mind

Whatever happen to Amelia Earhart
who holds the stars up in the sky
is true love just once in a life time
did the captain of titanic cry

(chorus)
someday we'll know
if love can move a mountain
someday we'll know
why the sky is blue
someday we'll know
why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis
or what the wind says when she cries
I'm speeding by the place that i met you
for the ninety-seventh time... tonight

(chorus)

someday we'll know
why Sampson loved Deliah
one day I'll go
dancing on the moon
someday you'll know
that I was the one for you
(yeah yeah yeah yeah)

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
if I could ask god just one question
why aren't you here with me... tonight

(chorus)


I love you......

10:36 am: Not too much going on
Hello there all. I have had a good week. Work has went well and all things outside have been ok. OH! I did manage to make some new friends though. There names are Joey, Brent, and Zac I ment them online I went on a few Live Journal communities and got some screenames in hopes to make more friends so far it is going good. well I cannot talk long I will update later if I can get on. lol ttyal byes!



~Tim~

12:54 am: American Idol lol not this time
Everyone was like I am sorry. :::shrugs shoulders::: lol it's all good. I was not nervous or scared I actually like what I was told when I was not accepted. Let me tell you what happened. Well it all started on Wednesday...(chezzy fog and dream sequence music LOL)

In a rush of excitement I hurried out of Travis's hotel room to get to the car! I got in and took off. When I arrived there was a line that took sometime to get through the cars where going slow. After I parked I got out and started to walk and then I saw this girl who was carrying a BIG! bag,chair,rolling bag,tent, and cooler. I was like girl why are you carrying all that. I laughed and then we laughed together I helped her get in line we were at the end lol. so we set up and then OMG! the line started to move huh? what? It wasn't supposed to move until tomorrow at 8 o-clock! It had started OMG WOW that as great. Then as we start to move they decide to say "no coolers or other food allowed inside the Convention Center" OMG which ment that we have to while moving in line leave our spot to take the stupid stuff back to the car. LOL but wait! the people next to us said hey we will hold your spot. YES so we did. After we took the stuff back and came back we made it to the center in no time a all.

After we got inside there were tons and tons of people around most were gay LOL YAY! Can you say shopping!!! lol not really none of them were that attractive lol. So any who we settled in and found a place to camp out I figured if I was gonna do this right then I would have to stay the night (Ha that rhymed) it was alot of fun I made alot of friends. I even slept with some guy I didn't know! Wait no no no not like that I mean as in slept next to lol we were camping buddies. LOl his name was Mitch and he was okay looking not my type of guy but hey we had fun lol we fought alot actually I mean like fist fighting. Any who so the night came and gone it was time to go in... Anticipation was a killer it took 5 hours to get to a judge. When I got to him I stood in a line of four people and we sang one at a time. I finally went, I sang my heart out he didn't stop me or anything i was happy about that so after wards he called us over and... Well he said to me that he liked my voice, look, style and confidence BUT! my voice was not high enough to go through :::sigh::: oh well it is ok I am not gonna die I mean we go on so hey I a not the next American Idol. I am still Tim and if that is all I have to be then I will be me proudly! so there you have it the American Idol experience in detail for all who view. I will talk to you all later :::hugs to all::: byes


~Tim~

03:37 pm: I said it but what did it make you think...
No would be the answer to the question I was asked the most last night... As many minds inquire what that question might be, most already know. Am I, I know I am not, not that soon, not that fast. If it were that easy things would be diffrent. I wouldn't be so uptight about the question. I can't tell if I am ok about it. My feeling are strong, my heart is still full, my eyes still see it, my mind knows it's there. Does he know it is there too? does he want it to be? Can he feel me inside? Is he confused about it? I know I am. What's that question I was asked so much you wonder.

Are you over Brandon?...

07:15 pm: Boy how in the world did that happen
Whoa! Hold up I say whats going on. In just one night my world turns upside down and then all the sudden its like nothing ever happened! My heart suddenly gave up on love and started feeling different??? All I can say is that I am "me" again! The happy, go-lucky, can't go wrong and doesn't need to worry about looking for something you can't have yet anyways kinda guy. It was instant all of the sudden I didn't care anymore.

I think what did it was when I was reading Brandons comments on his journal Kelli a friend of his told him that there was someone that she wanted him to meet and his response was like all excited. In that moment I just thought I was going to be upset no no no I wasn't Brandon was moving on already WOW! I felt a release of something inside and just went forward and carried on!

Otherwise AMERICAN IDOL! thats right I am so going to it they come the 26-28 OMG I am so excited!!! I am taking the whole week off to prepare for it. Vocalization, Breathing, Singing, Scale lessons you name it I am doing it! I am camping out at 5:00! on the dot no if ands or but's so wish me LUCK!

Work was good as well I am going to hang out with a friend of mine named Joe he is cool (nothing is going to happen ofcourse I may feel better but I am not a SLUT!) and then tomorrow I am going to dinner with Shauntee that should be interesting to say the very least. I was going to go to Maniquens this Gay club at PI on monday but it wouldn't be good for my voice so I am staying home and relaxing lol. So any who COMMENT PLEASE! I wanna know what you think about the AMERICAN IDOL audditions Pray for me! see ya

~Tim~